Ever wondered what "family values" really means?

It's a euphemism for porn.

Despite polarizing political views, Americans like watching other people have sex. According to a new nationwide study, which examined anonymised credit-card receipts from an online porn retailer, there's very little variation across states.

"When it comes to adult entertainment, it seems people are more the same than different," says Benjamin Edelman at Harvard Business School.

What's deliciously ironic, of course, is that the states that consume the most porn are also the most conservative and the most religious. This quote here, though- It's the money shot.

States where a majority of residents agreed with the statement "I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage," bought 3.6 more subscriptions per thousand people than states where a majority disagreed. A similar difference emerged for the statement "AIDS might be God's punishment for immoral sexual behaviour."

Ahhhh, the hypocrisy.
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Speaking of life as a soundtrack, here's the day Liverpool danced.

Your life as a soundtrack

Here are the rules:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool - first songs only

• Opening Credits
• Waking Up
• First Day of School
• Falling in Love
• Fight Song
• Breaking Up
• Prom
• Life is Good
• Mental Breakdown
• Driving
• Flashback
• Getting Back Together
• Wedding
• Paying the Dues
• The Night Before the War
• Moment of Triumph
• Death Scene
• Funeral Song
• End Credits

So here's what I get:

• Opening Credits - Monty Python, "Accountancy Shanty"
  
• Waking Up - Weird Al Yankovich, "Your Horoscope for Today"
  
• First Day of School - Tori Amos, "Purple People"
  
• Falling in Love - Joni Mitchell, "Impossible Dreamer"
  
• Fight Song - Melissa Etheridge, "The Late September Dogs"
  
• Breaking Up - Macross, "Inside the Umbrella"
  
• Prom - Les Mis Soundtrack, "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables"
  
• Life is Good - Danny Elfman, "The River Cruise"
  
• Mental Breakdown - Pink Floyd, "Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Dessert"
  
• Driving - Asylum Street Spankers, "My Favorite Record"
  
• Flashback - Amanda Marshall, "Love, Lift Me"
  
• Getting Back Together - The Firehouse Five plus Two, "Grim Grinning Ghosts"
  
• Wedding - The Sherman Brothers, "It's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow"
  
• Paying the Dues - Wild Strawberries, "Trampoline"
  
• The Night Before the War - Bif Naked, "I'm Yer Peer"
  
• Moment of Triumph - Harry Chapin, "Danceband on the Titanic"
  
• Death Scene - Garbage, "Sleep Together"
  
• Funeral Song - Phantom Manor Soundtrack, "Finale"
  
• End Credits - Yungchen Lhamo, "Lama Dorje Chang"
  

Weird, huh? If you read this and have a blog, consider yourself memetagged.
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For the "what's the point" folder

Smiley Faces over London.

A British artist "wanted to show something completely positive floating up in the sky." So, he created smiley faced clouds out of helium, soap and vegetable dye and set them loose over the rooftops of the Tate Modern gallery today.

"I know at times like this it's easy to make creativity a low priority but I want to show on a very human level that an artistic idea might be able to do something important, even for a fleeting moment," he said.

Well thank you, Stuart Semple, for your Happy Cloud installation. I know it made me smile!

Weta? You guys rock.

So the guys responsible for the Lord of the Rings did a very nice thing.

Nadya Vessey's legs were amputated below the knee when she was a child due to illness. She wrote a letter to WETA two years ago asking for a mermaid tail, and they did it.

It's pretty neat when something like this happens, and Nadya says it's quite comfortable to swim in.

Make pot legal to save California?

Yay.

Full disclosure- I don't like Marijuana. I tried it a few times when I was in college and it made my eyeballs feel like they were deflating. Occasionally, I noticed my heart rate was higher. All in all, it wasn't pleasant.

Nevertheless, it kills me that pot is an illegal substance, while alcohol is not. Alcohol has the addiction, the deaths (due to drunk drivers), the behavioral shifts and the history. About the worst thing that can happen when you're smoking weed is you get the munchies.

That being said, we've got a alias at work called politics, and the topic of pot came up recently. I (and some others) put forth the idea of taxing the stuff, since it's California's biggest cash crop, and that income alone could save the state from sinking, financially.

I guess we're not the only ones thinking along these lines. On Monday, a San Francisco Assemblyman named Tom Ammiano announced legislation to make California the first state in the nation to tax and regulate recreational marijuana in the same manner as alcohol.

Sure there are the naysayers. "This would open another door in Pandora's box," said Calvina Fay, who enjoys mixing her metaphors to the point where they don't really mean anything. But despite the hoopla, I hope it happens. Selling and smoking weed is a victimless crime, and I think the DEA and other enforcement groups should be focused on other, more dangerous crimes.

Watch out! The Raptor is upon us!

Oh, it's rapture? My mistake.

An "Aha!" moment or how I learned I was a determinist.

I was listening to Reasonable Doubts last week and started freaking out a little.

Reasonable Doubts is a great podcast by these three guys who are really, really smart, and the episode in question was actually a two parter, and dealt with the idea of determinism- a controversial way of looking at how we as human beings make choices based on a causally determined chain of events.

It's a direct refutation of the Cartesian model of duality which explores the notion that the mind and body are two completely separate entities and while it feels right (where is the thing that makes you you actually located?) the advances in neurobiology that have come along recently throws that concept into some disarray.

As frequent readers probably are aware, I used to believe in the idea of ghosts, telekinesis and other supernatural woo, and as my intellectual path has led me away from belief in god, so too has it led me away from the woo as well. But a lot of that other stuff seems to be based, in large part, on the mind/body dualism argument, and though I've been discarding my beliefs in those areas, I chalked it up to being more skeptical and left it at that.

When my Dad died, I was seven. I didn't codify it at the time, but when it actually dawned on me what happened (he was not coming back) my attitude sort of changed to a very brief philosophy; shit just happens. That's a pretty advanced concept for a kid- the idea that control is just an illusion and external things can happen for no reason. It also set the foundation for listening to a podcast thirty some odd years later and actually hearing it instead of dismissing it out of hand.

When I learned about determinism last week, I was shocked. My first reaction?

I hated it. It couldn't be true. That everything we do, every choice we make has an unbroken chain of occurrences that led us to that point (and makes the choice inevitable) seemed terrible to me. Were we nothing but the product of biology and prior events? After thinking about it for a week, and then hearing the follow up podcast where a number of people had similar reactions brought me around 180 degrees.

It's the nature vs. nurture argument on steroids without the argument. Things do happen for no reason. We have nature: We start out with biological preconditions. We have nurture: We start out with a model of behavior based on the treatment we received as children. As we grow, things happen to us, and we make choices about what's happened based on what we have experienced before, but at the same time, that new event is added to the chain. Determinism takes nothing away from who we are, but goes a long way towards explaining why we are.

I'm pretty sure I'm a determinist, but that could just be because I have to be.

If you were wondering what the lyrics for Carmina Burana were...

Well wonder no more.

Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros

Best line?
"My rhymes are so potent in this small segment I made all the ladies in the first two rows pregnant."

Hahahahahahaha

Blogging from my phone...

I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it, and yet, it turns out I can. Teresa said I should blog about the traffic, which seems incredibly narcissistic to me. But lo, I have, so maybe I am.

Date night!

Teresa and I haven't had much time to be all romantical since our son came. It's funny how that works out. Usually, she's watching him during the weekdays, and I watch him during the weekends, and we either split up or share the time in the evenings. Friday is the one night a week that Caden spends over at his Grandmothers but usually, Teresa spends time with her friends playing Mah-Jong. On those nights I have to myself, I watch a movie, or work on some project or another, and sometimes I even get to play video games.

But we really wanted to have a night to ourselves last night, and we did!

We ate dinner at a really, really yummy place that a friend of mine recommended called the Parkway Grill, over in Pasadena. We're pretty easy going about run of the mill food, but if we're going to throw down on a nice meal, it had better be a nice meal. And this one was a great meal.

We had the crab cakes, which were really good- there were two and each had its own sauce (a corn salsa and a vinagrette). Mmmmmm. Teresa had the steak- Wow! and I had seared tuna over curry rice, which was pretty delectable too. We didn't have desert because we'd filled up on bread. Which was too bad, because the desert offerings looked really good.

After the dinner was over, we caught the movie Taken. I hadn't been too keen on seeing this film, but a friend of mine from work told me it was a fun film to see. The action was nonstop, but despite that, the main character was really sympathetic and the love he felt for his daughter was pretty intense. The things he had to do to get her back really showed how things are so much easier if you have nothing to lose.

As soon as we got home, though, we totally crashed.

What an awesome night out!

Which one are you?

I'd say I'm an optimist. But that's just because every cloud has a silver lining.

Overheard at Starbucks

I was waiting for my Caramel Macchiato this morning and things were going pretty fast- Since the economy's gone into the toilet, the line has definitely been smaller. Well, one of the barista's was talking to the older lady in front of me and said, "So you're letting him drink coffee, then, Susan?"
"Oh, no, no, he's hyper enough already. I do give him a doggie-latte, though: A dollop of whipped cream on top of the lid and he loves it!"
"Hah. Well, here's your latte- whipped cream on top of the lid for him, then."
"Thanks, John!"
Sure enough, as I was leaving, there was her dog, looking a little rabid with whipped cream on his nose and all was well in the world.

One of a thousand

I, Steve Ziolkowski, declare as follows:

I am a citizen of the United States and a resident of the State of California.

I am a member of the Freedom From Religion Foundation.

I consider myself an atheist.

I have watched the inaugurations of 1993, 1997, 2001 and 2005 on television. I also saw the 2009 inauguration at home on the internet.

As I watched this inaugural celebration, I was disappointed by how much religion was a part of it. I understand that the phrase "So help me god" has been a tradition that has been used by many (though not all) presidents over the last hundred years or so. While it does bother me, I can let it slide; as so many oft repeated sayings go, the underlying message usually gets watered down and becomes more habit than anything truly meaningful.

However, the prayers I found to be truly exclusionary. Rick Warren, Jospeh Lowery, Gene Robinson, these men all invoked god multiple (and in Dr. Lowerys case way too many) times and Rick Warren specifically mentioned Jesus which to my mind excludes everyone but Christians.

The inauguration is supposed to be for everyone. Not just the religious. Barack Obama was the first President I've ever voted for who I truly thought would represent me, and he did in fact mention nonbelievers in his inaugural speech. But one passing remark does not make up for the fact that religion, and specifically the Christian religion, was such a major part of the ceremony and that it excluded so many people. The unchurched, according to some recent polls, make up anywhere from thirteen to seventeen percent of the population. That is a huge amount of folks who are left out as second class citizens when politicians invoke specific deities.

Being 38 years old, I expect to witness at least 10 more inaugurations during my lifetime.

I declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.

Executed on February 19, 2009.

Thursday morning funnies

Saturn, Saab and Hummer are on life support.

Pontiac appears to have its plug pulled too.

With the economy faring so poorly, General Motors (which was once the world's largest automaker) is siphoning off four of it's eight brands of cars which will, unless some action is taken, follow the Oldsmobile into obscurity.

It's really not that surprising, and I have to admit I've never really been interested in driving an American car, but even so, like some of the other major corporations that have recently called it quits, it's just a little bit sad.

A mammoth cache of fossils found in Los Angeles!

How exciting is this? While excavating a parking garage near Hancock Park on the Miracle Mile in Los Angeles, workers discovered one of the largest remnant of fossils from the last ice age that has ever been found.

A nearly intact skeleton of a mammoth was one of the major finds, but the cache included smaller fossils of things like tree trunks, turtles, snails, clams, millipedes, fish, gophers and even mats of oak leaves. It's a major insight to what things were like 10,000 to 40,000 years ago.

Amazing stuff.

Night on Fire - ParaPara

Having recently returned from Japan, and discovering what an odd, cool little country it is, I came across this ParaPara of Night on Fire as covered by a large mostly naked Japanese guy and four thin and equally clothed Japanese girls.

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All things Carrie Fisher

If you ever wanted to know what's going on in the mind of Carrie Fisher, well, I just found her blog.

There's a funny story about the metal bikini partway down. And her writing style is humorously eclectic. I didn't know this, but she's actually written several books, the latest of which is called Wishful Drinking.

Anyway, it's worth a look, especially if you're a nerd like me. She was also recently on Wait, wait, don't tell me and hearing Paul Segal geek out was really hilarious.

Lesbian Vampire Killers: the trailer

I have GOT to see this one.

We finally saw Coraline...

All I can say is...

Wow.

Visually stunning, some of the finest animation in a stop motion/CG combination and the art direction was amazing. Amazing.

I only came away from the film with one quibble, and it's a minor one. Why was the character of Wybie even in there? One of the things I liked about the book was that Coraline was tough enough to get herself out of all the predicaments she found herself in. In the movie, in two separate instances, she was saved by Wybie.

But it's minor when held up to the rest of the movie, which was a pretty fair adaption of the book, and I really liked how decidedly creepy it got once the "Other Mother" was revealed for what she was.

Ooooh. Just saying "Other Mother" gives me goosebumps.

When you got to dance, go ALL the way

This is just freakin' awesome.

Why intuition isn't always reliable.

This is the same as Margin Gardner’s Three Prisoners problem, and is based on the earlier Bertrand’s box paradox (also known as the ”three-card swindle”).

(via)

When the internet was adorable...

random quotes

"So the whole show can be seen as the systematic attempt to get the right answer–which, by the way, is my favorite definition of critical thinking."
-Dale McGowan, describing the show Mythbusters

"Religion has long been treated with special deference, getting a free ride in the marketplace of ideas."
-Greta Christina

That Japanese vacation went by way too fast day 7

And finally, we returned home. The way was long, oh yes, the day was even longer, but we did it.

And, it was remarkably easy.

We took the subway back to Shin-Osaka station, got our tickets for the Shinkansen back to Tokyo and got on the train, ate some lunch, took the Narita Express back to the airport and then climbed aboard.

The flight back was relaxing, and Mark and Teresa were passed out for most of it. I couldn't sleep. I never can on airplanes, so I read some more zombie short stories and watched a ton of movies. Well, only four. Yojimbo (awesome), Ghost Town (not so awesome), part of Max Payne (forks in the eyes! Augh!), and Eagle Eye (interesting, but the underlying premise was silly).

Our plane left at six thirty that evening, and here's where that temporal shift really kicks my butt- we actually arrived at 11:15 in the morning, seven hours before we left Tokyo! How weird and awesome is that?

Pretty darned awesome, I'd say.

It was good to be home, and after a nap and some food, we picked Caden up and took him home. Our family was complete again.

The trip was most excellent.

That Japanese vacation went by way too fast day 6

We were in Kyoto by 10:30 that morning. Once again, we had taken the Shinkansen, only this time it took us about ten minute to go the 34 miles from Osaka. Ten minutes! When we arrived, we really only knew of one place we wanted to go- The Kiyomizu-dera temple. Teresa had heard about the place from some of her friends who highly recommended a visit, but beyond that, we were at a loss.

So, I kept an eye open for the Information booth that we'd noticed at just about every station we'd been in and once we found it got some great advice from the "English Speaking Desk." The women behind the counter were really helpful, sort of tag-teaming our questions with grace and style. Essentially, it boiled down to a choice- there were about ten main temples and probably thirty minor ones, and we decided on Kinkaku- the Golden Pavillion and Kiyomizu-dera. We were thinking of fitting one more in there, but in the end, decided that time was against us. The ladies convinced us that the best way to see the city was on the local bus, so after walking all the way around the train station (we could have walked through it, but didn't know that at the time...) bought our bus passes (five bucks for unlimited use for the day) and headed for the Golden Pavillion.

All I can say is wow.

It looked like the set of a Kurosawa film. The walk up to the temple was beautiful- a shady, quiet walk between moss covered tree roots and a small shrine. The strangest thing of all was that despite being on a pretty busy street, once inside you couldn't hear anything at all of the outside world. Within the temple walls, it was calm, serene, every cliche you can think of to describe zen meditation.

Once inside, almost the first thing you see is the Golden Pavillion itself. Gilded in gold, with a phoenix on the very top, it's a work of beauty. It sits right on the edge of a small lake that actually has Koi fish in it. There are sculptured pine trees and the horticulturists and gardeners have done a magnificent job keeping the whole thing looking naturally beautiful.

Can you tell I was awed?

Once we passed the pavillion, the path winds through wooded areas with waterfalls dotted here and there, more ponds and small lakes, past tiny shrines and finally ends at another temple. This was essentially the end of the tour, and they sold prayers, incense and tchotsky's with the golden pavillion's image on them. There was also the ever present vending machines.

We were a little hungry and as we came back down to the main drag we started looking for restaraunts. We finally found a little diner about a block from the bus station and the food was really good. I got Eel Donburi, or Unadon. I was thinking about curry the whole time, and in the end wished I'd gotten some. (My Unadon was very good, though.)

We caught the bus heading over to Kiyomizu-dera and as we started walking up the single car-lane towards the temple, we were overcome by all the vending machines, snack food and kitchy shops that lined both sides of the narrow street. Green tea soft serve, sodas and teas, folding fans and japanese swords were everywhere!

At the top of the hill, we saw the temple for the first time, but looks are deceiving. The entrance to the temple is very narrow, but it goes back really far. There are so many cool things about this place. There are several pagodas, numerous springs and waterfalls, and the complex is huge. We paid about eight dollars a piece to get in, and then Mark and Teresa discovered a bell inside that you ring to have your wishes granted. I was sitting on the stage watching the sun go down when I heard the large bell sound a number of times, and I figured Teresa had probably gotten her turn.

Further up and further in there was the pavilion of love.

Seriously.

Up some stairs there was an entire complex warren of small buildings that were all dedicated to the gods of love and romance. In the center was a pair of stones about thirty feet apart, and apparently if you could walk from one to the other with your eyes closed, your heart would get its romantic wish. While we were up there looking around, we saw several girls make the trip. If they did it (usually with the help of a friend) the entire crowd clapped and there was much blushing.

The tour wound around to the oldest pagoda (You could see it in the distance from the stage) and then finally down to the Otowa waterfall. We all tried some of the water and it was really, really clear and refreshing. At the time, I didn't know that each spout represented wisdom, health or longevity, but now I know that I tried the health, Teresa the wisdom and Mark tried the health too. Of course, you're supposed to drink from two of them, and the urban legend warns of the danger of drinking from all three.

We left the temple after a slow return back to the entrance, and walked down the street of shops which were mostly closing. A bus ride back to the main terminal culminated with a bit of shopping, and I learned something pretty valuable about my wife.

She likes to shop in foreign countries. I know this, and yet.

I hate shopping, period. However, since we were travelling together, I should have been a little more supportive, and willing to walk around the shops. As it was I made the really dumb suggestion of meeting her back at the hotel in Osaka, thinking that if she wanted to spend a couple hours looking for good deals on jackets and shoes, she could do so without worrying about Mark and I. She took that as me not wanting to spend time with her and leaving her alone in a strange city... yeah, I know, I know. If there was a sofa in our room, that was what I would have slept on that night, and deservedly so.

Yark.

We got back to Osaka and found a Japanese Chinese restaurant in the Nankai Parks mall and ate well. We finally got back to our room around 10:30 and proceeded to crash.

Those temples are truly amazing.

That Japanese vacation went by way too fast day 5

We were headed for Osaka today.

It was a relatively early morning, and our checkout was pretty relaxing. Mark and I were sad to be leaving, especially since we probably won't be back for several years.

Nevertheless, Osaka was calling.

We JR'ed back to Tokyo, made reservations for the Bullet Train (much excitement!) and after some brief confusion over where our car was (we were in car 13) we sat back in plush comfort for the three hour journey southwest.

The thing about the Bullet Train is that though you are traveling at 170 miles an hour, it doesn't feel like you are going that fast. It actually doesn't feel much different than taking the Amtrak, although the ride is a lot smoother.

The geography of Japan is different than what I'd expected- It's mostly flat with these awesome punctuations of hills and mountains that don't seem very big. It's beautiful, though and I watched a lot of pretty scenery pass by while reading some zombie short stories.

When we got to Osaka, we dropped off our stuff at the hotel (The Swissotel Nankai- not bad, although it smelled a little of cleaning detergent...) we subwayed out to the Osaka Castle. I was kind of surprised at how this little piece of sixteenth century architecture is located in a bustling modern city. It's pretty cool. It even has a moat.

It was neat to wander around, and once inside it reminded me a lot of historical places here in the U.S., complete with silly picture opportunities and snack food. It was getting late in the day and there was less than a half hour before the castle closed so we didn't end up going inside. We took more pictures and cast about for a while, it was very peaceful inside the castle grounds.

I think the thing that amazed me the most was the enormous rocks they used to build the fortifications. Some are as big as a car.

Around six we headed back to the hotel and headed over to the Nankai Parks, a very organic looking seven story mall that had a garden outside on each floor and delicious food on the inside. We went for Shabu Shabu (Teresa's favorite cold weather meal) and it was very yummy. When we got back to our hotel the temperature was hovering around forty degrees and the wind just made it feel colder.

Tomorrow, we're headed for Kyoto.

A note on Japanese park guests

Japanese tourists are really weird.

I say that with a lot of love.

People come into the park with suitcases.

One of the strangest things about kicking around the Tokyo Disney Resort is that the majority of tourists are women. This was true for every one of my visits here. I've never been in the summer, so it might be different then, but from an anecdotal standpoint, a full two thirds of the visitors are women. A sidebar to that is that most of the employee's at the resort are also women, but that's not the point of this post.

The guidebook in Japanese isn't so much a guide to the rides, but a catalog of what's new that season and all the shops carry the same merchandise. There's no prepro artwork (which is what I like to collect) there's no posters or large maps of the attractions, there's just cute things. And there's a lot of cute things made out of plastic or plush.

And the Japanese go crazy with it all. When leaving the park, it's not odd to see them carrying bags as big as they are, suitcases laden with swag, wearing cute hats, cute character cloaks, cute character gloves.

I swear, Disneyland was made for the Japanese. It is truly strange to behold.

That Japanese vacation went by way too fast day 4

This was going to be our last day at the parks.

The funny thing about a multiday ticket at the Tokyo Disney Resort is that you have to choose where to spend the first two days. After that, you can park hop. Today, we park hopped like mad beasts.

Teresa still wanted to get some pictures out in front of the World Bazaar, and though DisneySea closed at seven, Disneyland was open until nine. And we still hadn't gone on Splash Mountain or Thunder Mountain yet, so that's where we went.

After a bit of a snafu, that is. You'll remember that Teresa was pretty tired from the night before, so she left early. Well, she IS the more responsible of the two of us, so I handed her the camera to take back to the room. Somewhere between here and there, the camera slipped off her shoulder and she never even noticed it.

That morning, I wanted to take a picture of one thing or another in our room, and that's when we realized the camera was missing. Without even putting a jacket on, I raced over to the monorail office, and in the off chance someone had turned it in described it to the woman behind the counter.

After a brief but nailbiting wait, it turns out that someone had, indeed, turned it in. But i was getting cold. I had to go get it of course, get back to the room and put on a jacket before letting out a huge sigh of relief.

We rolled on up to the entrance of Splash Mountain around 9:30 only to find it wasn't one of the attractions open early, but the Fastpass was, so we got one. Then we sauntered on over to the wildest ride in the wilderness, and discovered there was no line. It was basically a walk-on.

The thing about Thunder Mountain in Tokyo, is that it is absolutely beautiful. It's very similar to the one in Orlando, though it is missing some of the funnier scenes like the miner trapped in his bathtub during the flash flood. It's also very slow. There's not a lot of speed until the climax at the end of the ride (after the earthquake on the third lift hill). The only other thing that's slightly weird about it is that you really sense there's nothing beyond the perimeter of the attraction- the cliff walls are simply that, there as set decoration. In the other versions of the ride, the edges of the attraction blend into the environment much better. In Anaheim, the rocks and scrub exist out into the Thunder Ranch area. Orlando just has the spread, with taller trees and Paris is actually on an island, but Thunder Mesa fills in the space. In Tokyo, it's just dropped into place.

Despite those problems, the art direction is amazing, and after leaving the boarding area the space inside is vast, with ladders extending up to a very high ceiling. It might be slow, and the illusion might not be too strong, but I love this version of the ride. I mentioned the time capsule quality of some of the attractions here, well, the boulders tumbling down from the roof in the final lift hill are a perfect example, and make me very glad that they now use projectors and animation to simulate the avalanche it in other parks.

As soon as we got off the first time, we rode it again, and by that time, the park was open and we headed over to Splash Mountain again. The line was small, so we didn't use our Fastpasses and I have to say, it became my favorite attraction there. Critter Country alone is worthy of a visit- it far outshines the other versions of the land simply because it feels like animals have really taken up residence there. The layout is simplistic with an over/under pathway to and from the ride but the designers spared no expense to make it believable. Unlike Thunder Mountain, Critter Country seems like a real place and blends into the environment perfectly.

On top of that, much of the line is inside the mountain itself, so lighting and design merge wonderfully well. There's an awesome animatronic owl halfway to the load area who moves really, really well.

Though much about this ride is the same as Orlando, the order of the events is a little different. And like so many little things that are sort of mind twigging, the tied up B'rer Rabbit is on the wrong side of the lift hill.

What a great ride.

We ate some more tortilla dogs, hit the Haunted Mansion and wandered out of the park to see the latest architectural marvel, the Tokyo Disneyland Hotel. It's opulent and grand, but despite its sheer size (and an open atrium that stretches all five floors and is themed to a Victorian Fantasyland with Peter Pan murals and a mosaic of Alice in Wonderland) it doesn't hold a candle to the MiraCosta. We took lots of pictures but I didn't like it all that much.

We headed back to DisneySea.

The rest of the day was spent buying swag, waiting in long lines for rides we'd already ridden until we went to Magellan's for dinner. Magellan's is the nicest in-park restaurant I'd ever eaten in, outside of Club 33. It sits in the center of the Explorers Castle at the base of Mount Prometheus and serves a fusion of European cuisine. The decor is decidedly old world, and for an hour and a half, we truly felt transported. We sat directly underneath the globe of the explored world, beneath a dome that revealed all the astrological signs. And we ate well. There was a fixed price menu, with soup/salad, appetizer, main course and desert included. The Minestrone soup was good, the shrimp and avocado divine, the beef in a reduction delicious and fruit with vanilla ice cream the perfect finish.

The park was closing so we headed back the other park for a relaxing loop around Fantasyland with two more rides on Pooh, one last ride on the Haunted Mansion and finally, a grand loop around both parks on the Monorail, ending up back at our hotel.

Tokyo Disney Resort? I'll miss you so much.

That Japanese vacation went by way too fast day 3

We were all pretty much asleep that Tuesday morning around 12:15 when Teresa got the first call. Her friend, who was minding the store back in the states while we were on vacation ran into some snags. That conversation ran on for almost three hours. I couldn't sleep because of the noise, and Teresa was trying really hard to be kind to me and her friend. Mark was still mercifully asleep.

Finally, around three she told Fanny to call back a few hours later, which she did, but by that time, Mark was awake, and none of us looked very alive. Grunting was an acceptable form of communication that morning, and we all knew that the day ahead of us was going to be... sleepy.

We got to the park around 9:15 and hopped over to Pooh's Hunny Hunt, which is quite possibly the second coolest ride in the world. Much has been written about this groundbreaking LPS driven attraction, but I love the animatronic figures the most- Especially Pooh himself. His expressive eyebrows, blinks and movements are practically perfect in every way. The other Pooh attractions pale in comparison, and Anaheim's version is the worst of the lot. So yeah. The joy is there and the attraction is awesome.

We wanted to make sure and check out Peter Pan too while we were there- It's another superior version to what we've got stateside. When we were done, though the lines were filling up and Splash Mountain was already at a hundred ten minutes.

The Haunted Mansion wait was only forty minutes, but it went quickly because of the eye candy. When they built Splash Mountain, the location was right next to the Haunted Mansion, and I imagine that there would have been a pretty huge disparity between the gothic Dutch Colonial architecture and the almost cartoony Chick-a-pin Hill. Well, leave it to those crazy Imagineers to add a west wing on to the manse, a west wing that had the appearance of being grown out of the rock. The result is brilliant.

The Japanese version of the ride is almost a direct lift from the Orlando version, and in fact, like many of the rides in Tokyo Disneyland, it's almost a time capsule of what the rides looked like in the eighties. However, they added some cool effects that make this version a little better than what was in Florida before the facelift last year. In the foyer, for example, they use a really good morph of Master Gracey. In fact, for the first couple of images, the change is so subtle, you're not sure it's even happening. Mark feels that this particular mansion is "the creepiest."

I agree.

We headed over for Teresa's first disappointment. You'll remember that I mentioned this entire trip started because she was craving the barbequed chicken they sold in Adventureland. Well, we got to the stand, and she asked, "This is where they sold the chicken, right?" And sadly, yes it was. But it no longer sold the chicken with the barbeque sauce- now it was chicken with teriyaki sauce and for my lovely wife, the new couldn't possibly live up to the old. She liked it, but not as much as when it was slathered with the delicious sauce of the past. Evidently, the hearty zest was the same, but different.

However, since we were in Adventureland, we hurried over to see what was going on at the Tiki Room. In 2007, they were still showing "Get the Fever," an entertaining show with the interesting plot of waking the "lumber, deep in slumber." In the end, Lava sang a tune dripping with sexy double entendre, but nobody went to see it. In fact, much like the one in Orlando, there was never more than a third of the seats filled, and usually, several people left halfway through.

The new show, "Aloha E Koma Mai," is awesome. I'd seen a youtube video of the show, and was pretty impressed by Stitch, but I didn't realize how big the figure actually is or how amazing its animation was. The eyes were really expressive and I was blown away by how cute he looked. The birds actually sang songs from Lilo and Stitch, which was an added bonus because I love the soundtrack. The plot was pretty funny- Evidently the birds all think that the tiki room is haunted by the god Big Kahuna (there's a joke in there referencing the Lion King) and of course, it turns out to be Stitch who finally shows up at the end of the show and sings a song with the birds. I loved it. And so did everyone else. The theater was packed with people and when Stitch is revealed, half the audience waved at him. What was also refreshing was that there was no reference to the original show. They didn't even sing the Tiki Room song. You can bet we would be watching it again.

We ended up doing all the Adventureland attractions over the next hour or so, including another round of Stitch. The Tokyo Jungle Cruise is a carbon copy of Orlando, only in reverse which makes it feel slightly off kilter. Like a song you know and like, that's played over the loudspeakers at a mall. The guides are fantastic. I have no idea what they're saying, but they are all over the top hilarious. We also did the Western River Railroad, which is interesting in its own right.

Unlike the other parks with trains that stop at the various lands, this one is a ride. And you pass the Rivers of America, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain and go for a journey back in time to the primeval world. This is the same show (only newer) that is at Disneyland, but they've added some cool effects- fog, convincing lava and a really neat fiber optics illusion of lava being ejected from the volcano's caldera. It's a great attraction to relax on.

We headed over to Tomorrowland, and I got to realize a childhood dream. A ride on the StarJets. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to ride on the StarJets in Orlando. They were very different than the ones I had grown up with. Just like Disneyland, they were at the top of a gantry, but the rockets themselves looked very, very futuristic for the seventies. They were essentially wedges with three engines in the back. Granted, they worked exactly the same way in both parks, but to a seven year old, it made all the difference in the world. I never got to ride them in Florida- my first visit was in '92 and the line was pretty long so I didn't wait. Then they were gone, replaced by the extremely ugly Astro Orbitor.

Well, they're still there in Tokyo, and by gum, we rode them.

We also went on the new Space Mountain- This one is lifted directly from the Anaheim version- same track, same building, but two years ago it got a major facelift, paid for by Coca Cola. The new ship in the boarding area looks pretty sweet, and the devices that it is suspended by feel functional. But yeah, it's not too different for all that, and the queue was long- seventy minutes.

For you Wall*E fans, they have a really nice little photo spot with Wall*E and Eve- another awesome detail that Tokyo is known for.

The rest of the day became a little blurry. Teresa got tired and left a little early after one run around Tom Sawyer's Island on the Mark Twain. That was really nice; there's something magical about climbing aboard a steam ship after the sun has faded from the sky.

Mark and I went to see Stitch once more and then we too called it a night.

What an awesome day.

random quotes

Adios! Watashi wa "Pancho" des.
-Pancho, the Japanese South American man who gives the safety spiel at The Crystal Skull ride

That Japanese vacation went by way too fast day 2

Monday started out really early.

You've heard the saying that jetlag's a headache? Whoo. You have no idea. We got up without the alarm clock around 6. All of us, all at once. It was almost magical. Heh.

The MiraCosta hotel is beautiful. In fact, until recently, I had thought that the Fairmont Empress was the nicest hotel I had ever stayed at. All that changed with the MiraCosta. The lobby is breathtaking. Five floors up is a ceiling rotunda which has 8 stunning representations of the ports at DisneySeas using a Renaissance style portraiture of a woman as the centerpiece for each picture.

Our room was also pretty amazing. Our window opened on to the entrance of DisneySeas, and when we arrived the night before we could hear the area music playing. That morning as we were getting ready to go the music was audible again, and it really set up the day, hearing the nautical adventure theme drifting up to our window.

Teresa was hungry when we got up, so we headed over to Ikspiari and ate a quick breakfast at Beck's Cafe, sort of an upscale McDonalds. Hey- don't laugh- it was the only thing open that early, and it was really good. You can't beat Japanese sausage, not by a long shot.

Originally, we were gonna hit the Disneyland park first, because of the whole early entry thing. When you stay at an official hotel, you get to go into Disneyland an hour before it opens and ride selected (usually the most popular) attractions without much of a wait. However, that Monday DisneySea was staying open until ten at night, which was a bonus we couldn't pass up. (In the past, DisneySeas has closed at seven.) I've never stayed a hotel built inside a park before, which was something else. There's only a few places in the world you can do it, and the Mira Costa was one of them. They actually open the gate ten minutes before the main gate opens, and you get a head start. I loved it. (By head start, I mean that they have castmembers waiting inside the park at all the main crossroads to the ports. You line up at the signboard you want to head over to and wait for the rope drop.) We got in line for the Tower of Terror Fastpass and waited for the park to officially open for the day.

A quick note on fastpasses. If you've read my blog for awhile, you know I hate the fastpass. Hate is an awfully strong word, I know, but it is an accurate description of my feelings. I doubly hate it in Japan. Oftentimes, the line to get a fastpass is equal to the actual time you spend in line for the ride itself, especially on the Tower of Terror, and once they're gone, the line wait is atrocious. And, unlike Orlando, all of the fastpass machines are linked to one another, so there's no real way to beat the system by getting unlinked fastpasses.

The hate, it burns.

Teresa had never been on the attraction before, and we got our fastpasses and then hurried to get in line. The wait was less than ten minutes, and as is typical for a lot of the rides in Tokyo, the preshow was much better than the ride itself. There's been a lot written on it, but the illusion in the preshow is simply amazing. The first time I saw it, I couldn't understand how it was done. I figured it out by the second or third time around, but even still- when was the last time you were truly stupefied by a theme park attraction? The actual ride itself is identical to the Anahiem version with different visuals, and it's almost an anticlimax because it really isn't as intense as the ones in the U.S.

The folks in Tokyo made a really neat tour you can take of the place.

We got right back into the fastpass line for a second trip, and though only about twenty minutes had passed, the regular line was already standing at seventy minutes, and the queue for fastpasses was hovering at a little more than an hour and reached all the way across the Ponte Vechio.

After our second ride, we were hungry. Last time around, Mark and I had eaten at the Sailing Day Buffet. We really, really liked it, so when Teresa said let's eat, I suggested the Sailing Day, and that is where we went.

Around one thirty, Teresa headed over to the Cirque Du Soliel Theater to see the two o'clock showing of Zed, the newest permanent Cirque show. Originally I had wanted to see it, but they only had the one show during our stay. Why would you have one two o'clock show twice a week? I didn't understand it. The lines at the park were so long, that cutting out for three or four hours didn't seem worth it. Though she enjoyed it and all, since we've seen all the Cirque shows in Vegas and Orlando, this one really didn't add much to the roster. She liked the music, but the acts themselves were essentially similar to the ones they have in La Nouba and Mystere.

Mark and I stayed at DisneySea. We noshed about, and rode Twenty Thousand Leagues a few times (it's quite possibly the third coolest dark ride I've ever been on, yet there is only a line on days when everything else is way too crowded, and by that I mean three hour waits. The rest of the time I've been there, we've walked right on and gotten our own sub), then finally got in line for Journey to the Center of the Earth.

It's the same style of ride as Test Track in Orlando but is by far the best ride I've ever been on. Some comparisons to the first quarter of the attraction have been made to the old E.T. ride at Universal Studios in Orlando, but it doesn't hold a candle to the art direction, technical achievement and the climax that Journey has. It ends with your vehicle nearly getting gnoshed on by a twenty foot tall animatronic lava monster. Nothing can compare with that. The only downside is the ride itself is about four minutes long but the wait was a little over an hour.

Teresa met up with us for a ride on Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull. There's been great debate between Mark and I about which is the superior attraction. I love the fact that you can see the altar at the top of the zigguerat where sacrifices were made before you enter the queue which then it winds its way through the sacrifice pit itself. It's one of those details that is missing from a lot of the stateside parks. The long and the short of it is that the one in Japan has a better, finished ride, while the one in Anahiem has a better queue, despite that initial sacrificial pit.

Later that night as we were waiting to ride Storm Rider, I went for some Gyoza Buns. They're the only theme park food I've ever heard of that are known throughout the world for their delishiousness. Seriously. Google it up, I'm not kidding, they're that good.

Storm Rider is the best motion simulator I've seen (and I've seen a lot). The thing that sets this attraction apart from all the others is twofold. The doors have monitors on them which lets you see things flying past the vehicle (it doesn't sound that exciting I know, but trust me- it is...) and the observation area you sit in is almost completely destroyed by the end of the ride. Pipes fall into the cabin spewing smoke, the FUSE impacts and penetrates the cabin after its malfunction, panels hang loose from the walls and the interactivity is striking. It's a great combination that adds to the typical visuals you see through the main window.

Teresa was just about done in by that point so she headed back to the hotel room. Mark and I were running on fumes, but we were in for the long haul. We noshed a bit on some of the other spectacular eats throughout the park and got on Journey to the Center of the Earth one last time before finally calling it a day around 9:30.

It was pretty cool to be able to walk from the park right up to our room.

But we were soooooo tired, and as luck would have it, that night wasn't going to be very restful.